By doing a quick search on how to train up a child in the Lord, you will come across Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Is this “training a child up in the Lord” possible? Is this verse a promise?
Nearly every Christian parent has asked…
- How do I train up my child in the Lord?
- What does “train up a child” mean?
- Can I control the future of my children?
Every parent wants their child to make wise choices and enjoy a great life. Proverbs 22:6 seems to convey a sense of a promise from God that it is possible to affect the future of their children in a positive way. Rather than clinging to an uncertain, desperate hope that children will turn out okay, there are things parents can do to help determine the outcome of their children’s lives.
Parenting Can Be Confusing!
Parents can be under a lot of pressure, and while research and best practice techniques can provide excellent tools, the amount of information available to parents can be overwhelming. Sometimes the information can seem somewhat confusing and contradictory, such as…
- “Research has shown that engaged parenting helps children build cognitive and emotional skills. Too much parental direction, however, can sometimes be counterproductive.”
Can parents truly know how to train up a child in the Lord amidst these confusing messages? Yes! Let’s walk through what the Bible says about families and discover the practical tools and action steps parents can take to train their children.
The Meaning of Proverbs 22:6
Why is Proverbs 22:6 so well-known and often quoted as a method of childrearing? It deals with children whom we value highly. It also deals with something we all long to control: the future.
This proverb creates tension within most of us because we know there are no guarantees regarding the future, especially with our children. I am sure nothing would rank higher in importance for parents than a guarantee regarding the future well-being of their children. So, what exactly does it mean to “train up a child in the Lord,” and is there a definitive promise in this proverb?
Training up a child is a process.
Even if parents follow all the steps to parent biblically, their children may still walk away from the Lord. Parents have a responsibility to diligently teach their children about the truth of God’s Word and teach them how to…
- Be kind and courteous.
- Respect and obey authority.
- Read and study God’s Word daily.
- Build and cultivate relationships with others.
Diligently training your children does not guarantee their salvation, but it does equip them with the truth and wisdom they need to make informed decisions about life. God’s promise in this proverb is that when children are trained in the proper way, they will have a firm foundation to stand on when they are launched into the world as adults. Though they may stray from the way for a season, in principle, they will return and not depart from it.
We All Have a Role in “How to Train Up a Child in the Lord”
Your children are a gift from God for you to steward, but He has also given you a community to help you as you learn how to train up a child. Proverbs 22:6 contains truth that applies to a larger audience than just parents. Grandparents, empty nesters, volunteers at church and school, those who have never had children, and those who provide support to foster parents all participate in the call to train up children in the Lord.
As a community of believers, we can all take ownership of how to train up a child in the Lord. This does two things for parents…
- First, it gives some assurance that the entire burden of how to train up a child in the Lord doesn’t rest on the parents alone. This can be especially comforting for a single parent who feels the pressure to be everything to his or her children.
- Second, parents must be intentional about providing other opportunities for their children to be trained up in the Lord.
In the Old Testament, the word for family, mishpacha, blurred the distinction between family and community. While parents likely have the greatest influence when training up a child, this implies we all have a role in how to train up a child in the Lord.
God Loves Children and Highly Values Them | This Includes You
I remember attending a Sunday School class as a child and singing the song “Jesus Loves the Little Children.” I think the first “church” song I learned was “Jesus Loves Me.” This didn't come across as a huge theological breakthrough at three or four years old. I had two parents who loved me, and I was a typical child who believed the entire universe revolved around me, my desires, and my needs.
Why wouldn’t God love me?
However, with time, we all learn that love for children is easier said than done. For many of us, that reality sets in when we are not loved by the ones who should have loved us the most. We are left with a couple of questions…
- Why wasn’t I loved?
- What is wrong with me?
The reality is you were and are loved by God, and until that sinks in, you will struggle to give love away to other children.
What the Bible Says About Children
In Jesus’ society, children were viewed as lowly and of little importance. However, He uses them as an example of the kingdom of God and how someone enters the kingdom (Luke 18:15-17). If God values children this much, it is no surprise that He would care deeply about how they are trained up.
To train up a child in the Lord, parents need to understand how God views children.
Children Are a Heritage
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.”—Psalm 127:3
The word heritage means an inheritance of great value. God loved you as a child, and God loves the children in your life. Your children are gifts and blessings from Him.
Children Are Commanded to Obey Their Parents
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”—Ephesians 6:1
God calls children to obey their parents. Parents need to train children in what it means to be obedient and what their expectations are for obedience. To train your children in obedience, you must also be submitted in obedience to God the Father.
Children Need Discipline to Grow
“Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul.”—Proverbs 29:17
Discipline is another key part of training up a child. When parents discipline their children from a heart of love, they raise children who embody respect, confidence, and obedience. This allows the children to be living testimonies of the Christian faith.
How Parents Can Train Up a Child in the Lord
The Bible provides specific guidance on how parents can train up a child in the Lord. In the Old Testament, He gave the Israelites instructions on how to raise their families. He commanded parents to diligently teach His commandments to their children and have regular conversations as a family about His Word.
- “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”—Deuteronomy 6:7
He also specifically commanded fathers how they should lead their families.
- “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord”—Ephesians 6:4 (emphasis added).
Discipline and training should never come out of anger, bitterness, and hurt. Parents should discipline and train their children in love, because the Father disciplines His children out of love. Love nourishes, nurtures, and seeks the good of others.
- “Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.”—Ephesians 5:1-2
Jesus calls parents to walk in love toward their children. As you learn how to train up a child in the Lord, you will stumble and fall in your words and actions. That is why you must receive God’s love for you and ask for forgiveness from your children when you make mistakes. You are not required to be perfect. You are called to train and discipline through the power of God and the Holy Spirit, not your flesh.
Tools for Having a Christ-Centered Home akeaway
Want to know more about biblical parenting principles and how to have a Christ-centered home? Check out more of our resources here.
- How to Have a Christ-Centered Home
- Understanding Biblical Parenting Principles
- How to Lead a Bible Study for Kids
Do you have more questions about parenting or growing your faith? We want to help you find answers. Learn more about Castles, our family discipleship curriculum, and get resources to equip you for biblical parenting.